Quasi Una Fantasia

“Azalea, I have something to tell you.”

“Jeff, I missed you so much!”

I fell into his warm body. He pulled me back and kissed me on the cheek. He grabbed my hands. His hands were trembling in my light grip. The roughness in his hands were smoothed by puddles of sweat he was emitting. His nails, as always, were perfectly smooth and polished, but even now I found a few rough edges. The pulse beating through his hands and the swallowing of saliva was the only thing I could make out. I opened his hands and traced the phrase “TELL ME”. He grabbed my hand and held it tight, practically crushing it in his grip. Until now, I had never heard Jeff cry.

“Jeff…”

“Azalea, I love you. You’re so amazing, and since you left my apartment that morning I’ve been so depressed and I realized, I need you in my life. More than I need anything else. I care about you so much and I may be the only one who does…”

“Jeff-“

Jeff let go of my hand, sniffed, and stood up, walking away from the piano bench. Suddenly I heard the jingle of keys. I didn’t turn around to face the sound.

“You’re going to Rehab.”

I jumped up off of the piano bench. My heart beat pulsed so loud it was ringing in my ears. I started to sweat and cry.

“I need you Azalea. So get up, they’re expecting us soon pretty girl.”

“Who the hell do you think you are?!”

“Not your pink haired, acid trip god, that’s for sure…”

“SHE IS MY FRIEND!”

“SHE IS IMAGINARY! She is a figment of your beautiful, beautiful imagination! God doesn’t encourage people to take acid! God doesn’t almost kill people every night so she can hang out with them! So get up! We are going to rehab.”

“You’re so obtuse! You don’t care that for the first time I! CAN! SEE!”

“Yeah, I don’t care. Whatever you say. Now let’s go.”

“I HATE YOU!”

“Hate me.”

“I HOPE YOU DIE!”

“I will. I will do whatever you say. Just do this for me.”

“NO!”

“Azalea…”

I was curled up on Jeff’s favorite rug, crying. Shivering. Scared. Jeff dropped his keys and curled up next to me, running his still trembling hands up and down my back. He hummed Moonlight Sonata in my ear, when I shortly drifted to sleep.

”I love you, Azalea.”

I love you too, Jeff.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hello?”

I was startled by a woman’s voice.

“Woah! Who is there?”

“Hellooooooooooo?”

“Who is this?”

“HELLOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

I think she blew out my ear drum.

“STOP YOUR SCREAMING!!!! I CAN HEAR YOU!!!!”

“Oh…Who is there?”

“Azalea and this is MY apartment, so I’m curious to know WHY YOU’RE IN IT?!”

“I’m not in your apartment.”

“Yes you are.”

“No I’m not”

“Yes you are.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes you are.”

“No I’m not.”

I’m gonna kill this bitch.

“YES YOU ARE!”

“Huh… I guess you’re right…”

Of course I am…

“Well now that we got that over with, WHO ARE YOU!?!?!”

“Oh ha! Sorry, well-“

“Cause I didn’t even hear the door open or anything.”

“Well funny story, that’s cause-“

“Wait… ARE YOU ROBBING ME?!”

SHE WAS ROBBING ME!

“I’m NOT robbing you!”

“OH YES YOU ARE!”

“If I was robbing you why would I scream ‘HELLO?”

She had a point.

“You have a point…”

“Well duh.”

Rude much. I forgot I was sitting on my floor, cross legged and in front lied sheets of acid.

“Whatcha got there?”

“Where?”

“There.”

“Where?”

“There.”

“Where?”

“THERE!”

“STOP YELLING AT ME!”

“WELL YOU’RE AN IDIOT!”

“YOU’RE THE ONE IN MY APARTMENT!”

“Oh… I guess you’re right… soooooo… What IS that?”

“What’s what?”

“OH ME! IM FREAKIN’ POINTING TO IT!”

“IM BLIND, LADY! I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE POINTING TO!”

“Oh. Well, you couldn’t have told me that in the first place?”

“Well you see I didn’t find a need to tell a complete stranger I’m blind.”

You see, this was my first time taking acid. I had bumped into a man on the streets and when he saw my walking stick, which I almost never use because I hate being looked at for my disability. He told me if I took these tablets I would see colors, and so far, I feel pretty jipped.

“So, if you don’t mind, I would kinda like to know who you are.”

“Oh yeah, I’m God.”

I knew it. She was a crazy lady. Probably broke away from the mental ward at Memorial Hospital or something.

“Mmmhmmm… Well, God, I have a favor to ask of you. Can you hand me my cell phone? It should be on the circular table next to the door. Oh, and could you get the phone book and look up Memorial Hospital? That IS the closest hospital, correct?”

“I am not crazy.”

“Haha, I never said you were darling, now just go get me ph- WOAH!”

“What? What is it?”

I fell backwards. Something kicked in. My breath turned into waves in my body. I was breathing water. I started to choke. I heard the crazy lady talking to me, but I couldn’t make out her words. I started to float in the water, so I started swimming upwards hoping to find surface. I heard laughing, but I didn’t stop swimming.
]
“Why are you laughing? I AM CHOKING!”

“HAHAHAHA YOU LOOK SO FUNNY! What are you doing? Swimming?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!”

“STOP IT! I Can’t Breathe!”

“Well you’re talking, aren’t you?

“Yeah…”

“Then you’re fine.”

I hate this bitch…

“Look, whoever you are crazy lady, please leave. I’m sorta… uh… busy at the moment.”

Suddenly, something brushed up against my thigh.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

“What’s wrong now?”

“FIIIIIIIISH!!!!”

“Fish?”

“I HATE FISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“There isn’t a fish anywhere.”

“IT JUST TOUCHED MY THIGH!”

“And you think I’m the crazy one… Here. Lemme help you up. I’ll make you some tea. You don’t seem to be having a very good trip.”

I am not crazy. Or at least I don’t think I am. I was crying at this point. I felt different types of fish sliding up against my body, seaweeds twisting my feet, and sea snails climbing up my arms and legs. Someone grabbed my upper arm and pulled me out of the water.

“Come on pretty girl. Let’s make you some tea. You do have tea, right?”

We were heading for the kitchen when something flashed before my eyes. I fell backwards.

“What’s wrong with you now? Another fish?”

“No. I saw something.”

“Yeah. That tends to happen when people take acid.”

“You don’t get it! I’m BLIND! I-I-I-”

“I know what Blind means, genius. I designed acid for a reason. To seeeeeeeee. Except I never made it in a tablet form. That’s pretty clever. It was originally a mold that grew on rye bread… but still-”

I was crying when it happened again and again and again.

“Now, let’s make you some tea!”

I blacked out on the kitchen floor.

“So much for the tea…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I saw my body. I knew it was mine cause it was wearing the necklace my mother had given to me before she left me at the police station. I have black hair. That’s the only color I could identify because I was so familiar with it. I’m fairly short, and my skin is made out of light. Everything surrounding me was made out of light. It took my breath away. I couldn’t blink; afraid the sight would go away. Suddenly, I realized my body wasn’t moving. It was just lying on the kitchen floor. I tried to touch my body but something was blocking me. I don’t usually panic, but I was panicking.

“Aw, don’t panic! This is exciting!”

I flicked my head to the right and there she was, floating next to me. I flicked my head back to my body and then back to her. She had short, wild hair. Her body long and thin.

“Don’t worry.”

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing much. What’s going on with you?”

She smiled so innocently.

“MY BODY!”

She looked down at it.

“Oh yeah. That. Don’t worry bout’ it. You’re just having a near death experience.”

What? How?

“It’s the acid. I told you it makes you see things. I forgot to work out the kinks in it though, so for some people they have NDEs every time they take it. But I tried to help! I asked you where the tea was, but you kept on screaming ‘The fish are everywhere! The fish are everywhere! Help! Help!’ and then you started gargling and then you fainted and now we are here. I just LOVE NDEs! And I have never witnessed a blind persons NDE which honestly isn’t as cool as I hoped, no offense, its ju-“

“Wait. AM I DEAD?!?!”

“No you idiot. NEAR death Experience. NDE. Duh."

I could finally see and this chick was ruining it for me…

“Why thanks. I only saved your life and all.”

“How? I thought you said I wasn’t going to die.”

“You aren’t because I am here.”

I gave her a confused look and she smiled and said under her breath,“Oh me, she is dense…”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing! Now lemme show you around before you go back to reality!” She pointed to her hair. “Now this is pink. Can you say pink? P-eeeeeeeee-nk!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“JEFF!”

There was a high pitch squeal.

“God, AZALEA!”

The high pitched squeal was jeffs new squeeze.

“WHO IS AZALEA?!”

“Oh, Why I am Jeff’s wife, Azalea. Pleasure to meet you! Jeffy darling, I think we are out of milk. Could you go to the store and get some?”

“Jeff, you never told me you were married!”

“I-I- IM NOT! AZALEA!”

“Aw, Jeffy dear, we really should hang up the family portraits we took last Tuesday. Jr. looks SO precious in his sailor suit onesie!”

“You have A CHILD?!”

“Oh no dear girl, we have 5.”

“OH MY GOD! You’re a SICK BASTRAD!”

“NO! WAIT! Sue, I can explain!”

“MY NAME IS EMILY!”

The door slammed. Jeff let out a pitiful cry-

“CALL ME!”

I was laughing so hard I had to grab my sides in case of rupture.

“Sue? How did you get sue from Emily? thats pretty damn funny. But I have to say that was the best one yet, Jeffy Darling!”

Jeff is my therapist/best friend. He has sex with a new girl almost every day, and he knows how much I disapproved, so once a month I make a surprise visit with the spare key he gave me and ruin his mornings with the poor slutty girls.

“Way to go, Azalea. She was an underwear model. AN UNDERWEAR MODEL!”

“Oh shut up. I have something to tell you!”

I walked into his living room: 6 steps forward, 5 steps to the left and then 7 steps to the right. I sat on his favorite red love seat.

“This better be good.”

He walked into the room.

“Oh it is! So last night I took acid-“

“WHAT?”

“What?”

“You took acid?”

“Okay, no fair, you didn’t let me finish.”

“There is more?”

“I only said 3 words! So anyways I took acid and there was a woman in my apartment-“

“Was she homeless?”

“Why would she be homeless?”

“Cause you’ve let homeless people in your house before.”

“Yeah! And they stole my toaster and bed sheets!”

“Yeah, that was pretty funny. So who is this woman?”

“She said her name was God.”

“So you let a crazy person into your apartment?”

“I didn’t let her in!”

“Just get on with the story.”

“You ho. So I was tripping and I had a near death experience.”

“You ruined my date for that?”

“Okay, you can hardly say sleeping with the whore a ‘date’ and the point I was trying to make before you so rudely interrupted was I saw!”

Jeff knew my life story front and back. He knew everything from my mother abandoning me at a police station to the Warden at the orphanage, to the kids at the orphanage who would beat me up because the Warden gave me special treatment. He was the first person to listen to my story, and after I couldn’t afford his therapist fees, he gave me free council and a best friend who didn’t care that I was blind and treated me like a normal human being. Yup. This man loved me.

“Hahahahahahaha, you’re crazy!”

“No! I’m serious! I saw everything! I was outside of my body, and I saw myself! And the God lady was with me and she told me all the names of the colors I saw! Jeff! My eyes are crystal blue! Like the sky Jeff except more pale!”

Jeff touched my face with his palm.

“They’re the most stunning eyes I have ever seen, that’s for sure.”

“What color are your eyes, Jeff?”

“Brown.”

“Like tree bark!”

Jeff started to giggle.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Cause you’re so adorable Azalea.”

“Aren’t you happy or exited at all?”

Jeff sat next to me and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my ear.

“I am shocked and I don’t know what to say really. You’re such a sweet girl and ever since I have known you you’ve had this spunk. You were the kind of girl who wanted to prove she was worth something even though she was blind, which I think is really sexy…”

“What did you say?”

“You want to prove you’re worth something?”

“No, after that.”

“You’re blind?”

“No, it sounded like you think I’m sexy.”

“Sexy? Ha, no, I said cat pee.”

“You think I am cat pee?”

“Yeah, when was the last time you took a shower? You smell disgusting…”

I grabbed his hand and traced the word “WHORE” in his palm. I mean I know how to spell. Jeff and I always wrote in each other’s palms. It was our own little secret language in a way. I then stood up and started to strip as I proceeded towards his shower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was taking acid every day. I wasn’t addicted to the little tablets, no I was addicted to the light they gave me and the NDEs. God and I became pretty good friends if you can believe it. We were both into philosophy and talked about the deepest and most insightful things we could think of.

“Why can’t penguins fly?”

“They totally can.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. They’re just too cool to fly.”

“That makes so much sense…”

I would run to Jeff every morning and told him my accounts until one day he snapped at me. He was so angry I was taking acid every day and told me he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I was angry and stormed off. I didn’t care anymore. I had a new best friend, and she was God.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had gone to the grocery store and just opened the door to my apartment. Someone was playing Moonlight Sonata on the piano. It was Jeff. The Warden taught me how to play the piano. The first song I learned was Beethoven’s Quasi Una Fantasia which meant Almost like a Fantasy, or Moonlight Sonata. I played it every night before I went to bed when I was younger, hoping my mother would hear it and she would search for me. It would echo through the old, sleepy building, but it was the only thing that got me to sleep and the only thing that relaxed me. Jeff was here to apologize.

“You can stop playing now.”

He didn’t stop. I sat next to him on the bench and listened until he was over.

“I’m sorry.”

“Jeff, you don’t need to be sorry.”

“I’m so sorry…”

“Jeff, really-“

“Azalea, I have something to tell you”