Priest Tripping

           Rockband Sucks. Or more appropriate, I suck at it. God has seemed to bless everyone with some sort of pressing-pretty-buttons-at-the-right-moment skill except for me. Probably payback for when I was six and I tried to trip a priest. Did anyone honestly expect me to behave? I mean it was Easter and I had better things to do than watch an old, wrinkly man walk daown an aisle, like stealing candy out of my mothers underwear drawer. PLUS I thought everyone else would thank me for saving them from the bordome of which Church was.
I mean IT WAS Easter! The last time I checked, you got candy on Easter! Not God!. How does candy and a big fluffy bunny = God? Answer- It doesn't. So why was I (and as I was assuming everyone else aswell) forced to go to Church? At the very least I could make things more entertaining, which led to the great fortune of my mother never letting me in a 20 foot radius of anything "holy" until last year when I turned 14.
           Well I wasnt an angel of a child. For one, I loved being nude! Clothing was for the old and the weak! Almost every moment I had was spent taking off the expensive new cothes my mother dressed me in and throwing them in the mud. I killed clothing. Especially Nice clothing, And when I wasnt busy being a nudist, I was busy being a Kleptomaniac Fashion Designer. I would steal from drug stores (and my mothers closet) so I could rip apart clothes and sew them back together poorly so my Teddy Bears would look Fab-u-lous!
Once when looking through my moms clothing I came across some old books. One of the books was an old Witch Craft spell book that I ran away with to my rich friend Gabby's house. From there we sat in the middle of a golf course road near her house and grew the satanic-like symbols while chanting and lighting candles. Some creeped out golfers preceeded to call the police on us satan worshiping 9 year olds.
           When my mom found out later that nightm her response was a fit of laughter and a fiting reward of her home made Rice Crispy Treats! Actually, I am fairly certain my parentals made me that way. Seriously, who lets their kids listen to The Sex Pistols, The Circle Jerks,  and other hard core punk bands with dirty names who sing about anarhy at the age of 3?!?! In fact, my parents favorite pastime was throwing Lemonheads Candy out of their car window, trying to hit other cars on the frreway.
           Coincidentally that became my favorite pastime as well. That and staying up to watch old Black and White horror movies with my mom and skipping school the next day to hang with her. Really, those were the Pre-Pubesent days.
So I guess its okay I have been cursed with this awful Rockband Talent. My sins were totally worth it.